


but you're right here now & i think you'll stay

by raazberry



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, someone please get these boys some therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:21:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28900317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raazberry/pseuds/raazberry
Summary: Jared has a lot of faith in the world, in people, in Richard, than Richard could probably ever have. So, how does he do it? What’s his secret?
Relationships: Jared Dunn/Richard Hendricks
Kudos: 13





	but you're right here now & i think you'll stay

Richard wasn’t a particularly nice person. Not like Jared was.

Jared was nice. Jared was more than nice, he was loving, and he was hopeful. He believed in people. He believed in goodness, and he believed in Richard.

And Richard absolutely did not get it.

How can a person who has been through so much, be so full of hope? How can a person have so much faith in a person who is so painfully average?

Richard didn’t have a particularly eventful childhood. His parents had separated when he was 9, and he was bullied for a bit in middle school. He wasn’t particularly happy with his life, at least not until Pied Piper.

_That’s nothing compared to the shit that has happened to Jared_ , Richard thinks.

And yet, Jared has more faith in the world, in people, in Richard, than Richard would probably ever have. So, how does he do it? What’s his secret?

_What a stupid thing to be thinking about in the middle of work. There are better ways to procrastinate than thinking about my Head of Biz Dev and how nice he is,_ Richard thinks.

His inner monologue is interrupted by Gilfoyle’s voice.

“Dick. Stop staring at my face and spell out words with your mouth. _Did you_ review the new intern’s work, or do I have to do it, because it seems like I do everything around here.”

“Oh. Uh, can you just do it? I’m kinda busy here, as you can see.”

“No, I _cannot_ see it. You’ve been staring at my face for ten minutes now and not doing anything. It’s fucking creepy.”

“Fine, I wasn’t working, I was thinking about Jared.”

“Good, so you’re not unaware of how you definitely have a hard-on for him.”

Richard frowns at this. “Huh-- what are you talking about? No, I’m talking about how Jared is like, so nice to everyone all the fucking--“He looks up at Gilfoyle, who is already walking away from the conversation.

“And by the way, I do not have a hard-on for Jared!” He yells.

And like some sort of ghost or something, Jared just appears at his side. “I heard you say my name. Do you need anything, Richard?”

Richard almost flinches. “H- How did you just do that! Sneak in here? You weren’t even inside the hostel.”

“I’m a fast walker, and I know how to be quiet! You have to be, when you’re hiding in an above-ground meth lab. If you get caught, you’re dead.”

Richard just looks at him with a blank look on his face.

How? How does Jared just drop random traumatic experiences in the middle of a conversation, and then brush it off like it’s nothing?

###

Bad things did not happen to Richard Hendricks. But neither did good things. He was cursed with having an average life.

He feels like a jerk for thinking of mediocrity like it’s a curse, because _wow why the fuck are you sad about being average, you are so fucking privileged for having a relatively normal life and you should acknowledge that, this is why nobody fucking likes you, you entitled prick-_

But.

The thing is, he does acknowledge it and he knows that yes, he has led a relatively good life. He just wasn’t very pleased with it.

He didn’t _want_ extraordinarily bad things to happen to him, or even good things for that matter. He was just tired of how _monotonous_ all of this gets, how predictable life is- you wake up and you drink coffee and eat cereal and you work and you go to sleep, then you wake up again and you drink coffee, and it’s just a fucking loop.

He was just tired of waking up to the same shit every single day. He just wanted to sleep for hours and wake up only to do something dangerous and and and get fucking jailed or something. He hasn’t really thought it through, but he wants something new, something different to happen to him.

###

After about a year of staying at the hostel, Jared had formed a habit of standing outside, near the pool at late hours while everyone else was asleep. The water in the pool was calming, and all of his problems and worries seemed to slowly fade away as he watched the night sky. No more chaos, no more nightmares. Just him and the several shades of the color blue.

He looks at the moon, and thinks of the only foster mother who was nice to him – Penelope – she seemed to genuinely care about him. Remembering her makes him sob. She’d tell him, _whenever you feel homesick, just look up, because the moon is the same_ _wherever you_ _go._

She died a few weeks after that conversation, and his social worker had him move to a different foster house, but he never forgot **Her**. He would sneak out to the rooftop and look at the moon, and think of her, and he would sometimes beaten up for it, but he’d survive. He just needed some hope, he just needed the moon.

###

Richard has trouble sleeping that night, which isn’t particularly unusual for him. He decides to go out to the pool and dip his legs in the water. Maybe that would relax him.

He quietly gets out of his room and tries to sneak out to the pool without waking up Jian Yang, who was asleep on the couch, with a box of half-eaten pizza on the table next to him.

Jared’s presence pleasantly surprises him.

“Jared? What are you doing here so late?”

The tall man looks at him blankly. “I, um, was unable to sleep so-“ He points at the sky. “I can leave if you’d like.”

“No, no, you can stay, I just, I wasn’t able to sleep either, so yeah.” He walks closer to Jared, and notices his tears and red, puffy eyes.

“Jared, hey, are you crying?”

He doesn’t respond. He just wipes his face with the sleeves of his shirt.

“I’m just alright, Richard. Do you need help sleeping? I can play you someth-“

“You can, like, talk to me, y’know? I know I don’t… know how to react to things and all of that stuff, but like, I’m here for you, man.”

“Thank you, Richard.” Jared’s voice cracks.

"I mean it, what’s up with you? You usually listen to me ramble and shit. It’s time for me to return the favor.”

They sit down beside each other at the pool, as Richard takes off his slippers. Jared sighs.

“I was thinking about my mom. She was really beautiful, and she taught me so much about life and people.” Jared sniffles. “She’d tell me to be kind to everyone, even strangers, because they could be going through something and what if they needed some support? I could make a stranger’s day just by smiling at them. But then she’d also tell me that some really bad people take advantage of good people, so I should always be on guard. And that always confused me, because how can I be good to everyone, while also staying on guard all the time?”

Richard absentmindedly puts his hand over Jared’s, and rubs circles with his thumb on his palm.

“I didn’t understand what she meant then, but I do now. She was just so. Insightful. And strong. I wanted to be like her when I was little.”

“She sounds like an amazing mom.”

“She was. She really was.” Jared smiles. “But then one day, I came back from school a little bit earlier than I usually did.. and she was lying on the bed, where she’d spilled some wine or something. I thought she was asleep, but when I tried to wake her up…”

Richard squeezes Jared’s hand.

“I just, I miss her. I was 8 when she died. That’s so long ago, I know, but—”

“Grief doesn’t have some sort of an expiry date, Jared. It’s understandable if you’re still sad about it, I mean with everything you’ve been through…”

Jared starts crying again, and Richard puts his other arm around Jared and rubs his shoulder.

“Th- thank you, for listening. To me.” Jared says, in between sniffles.

“You’re really strong, man, just like her. And you don’t have to thank me, this is the least I could do.”

“I love you, you know.” Jared states, right before quickly burying his head in Richard’s chest.

Richard attempts to gently hug him as he says, “Yeah. Um, I also. Love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> The quote, "Whenever you feel homesick, just look up, because the moon is the same wherever you go." is from Donna Tartt's The Goldfinch.
> 
> Title from Finally//Beautiful Stranger by Halsey.
> 
> comments & kudos are always appreciated :) follow me on twitter @zchwoods <3


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